New Lows in creativity

Thing of the Week I am pissed about:

One of my friends has a theory, that there are no creative thoughts left in the minds of Americans and they are just taking old ideas and remaking them. I was a little hesitant to totally agree with him. Yes, there have been remakes and films based on comic books/video games galore coming out recently, Transformers, X-men, Batman, GI Joe, Garfield just to name a few. But I always was able to reference new movies/books/Albums that are new and not thought of before. The Hurt Locker, Avatar, you know things like that.

But then I read this today and it absolutely blew my mind. They are making a movie about Missile Command. Yes, that Missile Command, you know the one where you have control of three battle stations and have to move a target to shoot stuff out of the sky that is coming towards you. In case you dont know what I am talking about, see the picture below.



Are they kidding? This is almost as bad as making Tic Tac Toe the movie. There are no characters, no plot or anything in this video game. It is simply, see thing coming at you, point and shoot a missile from your base. That is it. New lows have now been reached America. This is almost as bad as rappers using Anchorman quotes to make songs or R&B singers crooning about being the Flintstones. Oh wait, both of those have already happened. What the hell America, what the hell.

Things I am amped about:

On a brighter note, one of my favorite times of year is coming up, golf season (also known as spring/summer). Outside amongst nature, hitting a stupid white ball around, B.S.in with the boys, drinking beers. It all brings a smile to my face. I have around a 9 handicap right now, which isn't too bad, but I want to be down around a 6 or 7 by the end of summer. Also a good way to work out with it seeming like it. Walking 18 holes is the equivalent of like 4 miles or something like that and that is a good workout no matter how you see it.

So here is my blog pledge of goals to everyone, which I will keep you posted on.

1. Get down to a 7 handicap by the end of summer, a bit of a stretch, but I think I can do it.
2. Walk 18 holes rather than ride 2 out of every 3 rounds. This kind of sucks depending on who you are golfing with and how hot it is etc. But I think it will be good for me, plus I seem to golf better when I walk for some reason.
3. Enjoy summer to the max, I want to do the following things at least once this summer. Beach drinking, Volleyball outside, play bean bags, picnic get together with a bunch of people, attempt to fish, cabin weekend with a group of friends, LMD2010, play softball, 3on3 basketball tourny. I love summer

Crappy Songs

Some people are thinking, holy crap, two blogs in a row. After my Music Video Post of yesterday, I have decided to continue with my ranting and raving about the crappy things out there. Today, I turn my attention to the crappiest songs ever made. I know some people are reading this going, "you are going to mention Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes cause you always bitch about that song." Well guess what, you are thinking of Dusick, who hates that song. I don't think it is a great song, but it is not terrible.

I could pretty much start with any pop song that has come out in the past few years, but there are a few that just boggle my mind as to how absolutely terrible they are. I mean some of these lyrics are straight out of a nursery rhyme and combine that with an annoying voice/beat/guitar riff and you have a completely horrible song. I have refrained from mentioning any songs by converted artists (athletes, actors, actresses) for the sole reason of music is not what they are known for and therefore cannot be taken seriously anyway. So Don Johnson's "Heartbeat", Eddie Murphy's "Party all the Time" and Any Shaq song will not be included. However I might put former Packer WR Robert Brooks hit "Jump in the Stands" on the best songs ever list that will come later.

So I give you my top 5 worst songs ever along with a little chunk of lyric that is especially terrible. I would include links to song of these songs, but I dont want to ruin anyone's day so if you haven't heard them before listen at your own Risk.

1. Natasha Bedingfield "Pocket Full of Sunshine" Wow, this song is awful, this is nursery rhyming to a beat at it's finest. I literally think she wrote and recorded this song while watching some kids show like "Lamb Chops play along." Today kids, we are going to talk about sunshine and how sticks and stones can break your bones, but names will never hurt you. C'mon Natasha, most of your other songs suck too, but good lord this was on another level of shit.

Shitty Lyrics:
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

2. Keisha "Tik Tok" Also the creator of the inventive new song on the radio "Blah Blah Blah." This Song makes me depressed for all of america as it is now the #1 downloaded ringtone of all time or some shit. What are we listening to and why. The entire song is a nursery rhyme. Do you remember Hickory Dickory Dock? That is exactly what this song is with some words about partying and a Beat. Depressing I tell you. I am going to create a song that is pretty much Old McDonald had a farm, but i will get a beat to it so people can think it is awesome and download it a bunch of times. Also, she mentions Mick Jagger in this song and I highly doubt she even knows who that is and needed a word that rhymed with swagger.

Shitty Lyrics:
Aint got no care in the world
But got plenty of beer
Aint got no money in my pocket
But i'm already here
And now the dudes are lining up
Cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb
Unless they look like mick jagger

3. Celine Dion - "My Heart will Go on" I hate this song, it probably isnt as bad as I will make it out to be, but Titanic sucked and they played the hell out of this song when Titanic came out. They also had the extra shitty version where you could listen to clips from Titanic during certain parts of the song and that made it even worse. Good work Celine, You somehow made it possible for me to hate titanic even more than I did before. I'll never let go Jack, of the feeling that I hate you and your shitty movie/soundtrack. Honorable mention to another absolutely terrible song from a movie soundtrack. Aerosmith has been making songs for a long time, but they really took a step down in my book with "I dont want to miss a thing"

Shitty Lyrics:
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

4. Lou Bega - "Mambo #5" Nothing like taking names and rhyming them with regular words. He literally just mentions 30 girls' names and then says the occasional dumb lines. Combine that with a big band in the background with a crappy get stuck in your head beat and you have yourself a hit that brainless people will enjoy. Then you have all the girls that probably screamed when they heard their name in the song while they were hammered at the bar. I can just see it right now, a little bit of jessica (insert 5 girls screaming wooooo!!!!!!) here i am. Just makes me sick to my stomach.

Shitty Lyrics:
A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side.
A little bit of Rita's what I need,
A little bit of Tina's what I see.
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long.
A little bit of Jessica here I am,
A little bit of you makes me your man!

5. Mickey - Toni Basil This song makes me want to throw up everytime I hear it. The stupid clapping, the cheerleader video, a lyrical cheer in the song!? Awful everytime I hear it. combine that with an annoying voice singing it and I really dont know what the hell was going on when it became a hit. I know the 80's were a weird time and everything, but I think this song started the my theory that you dont actually have to think of anything to have a hit song. just find something catchy that everyone can remember and repeat it over and over, you then have a hit. I didnt put the lyrics in because it will literally drive you to shoot someone you love and I dont want to be responsible for that type of activity.

Music Videos

So remember when MTV was awesome and actually had Music Videos on instead of crappy reality TV shows that feature the stupidest people they can find crammed into a shitty house near a bunch of bars so they can video tape them getting drunk and acting stupid?



MTV was the first to turn to garbage for entertainment, but we still had VH1 which continued to show videos and other awesome stuff like Behind the Music. Then VH1 said, boy we should be like MTV and show shitty reality TV stuff too, but we will one up them by getting people no one has heard of in like 15 years and cramming them into a house and watching them get drunk.




What happened to music videos? They used to be so awesome and actually made a song even better when it had and awesome video too. In honor of those days, I give you my top five (There are a lot more, but I just rattled off my 5 faves cause it was easy) music videos of all time. These Videos were either generally awesome, innovative, or well just plain funny.

1. Snoop Dogg - What's my Name

Some of you remember this video as the dog morphing video and that is the only reason it is on my list. It was innovative because it was the first video I could remember where computers were used to change humans into dogs and would just go running around town. Admit it, you have thought about being a dog and doing that same thing. imagine the possibilities, biting your crappy neighbor, humping anything you wanted to without consequence, getting your food brought to you, chasing things, it would be awesome.

2. A-Ha - Take on Me

I love this video and song. innovative on a crazy level for the 80's with the drawings turned into real people and vice versa. The crazy synthesizer riff that everyone knows and of course the super high note where the guy must have been kicked in the balls to get that high. "In a day or TWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
3. Van Halen - Jump

Only one reason I put this on my list, watching stupid David Lee Roth Jump off of crap in super slow motion. Go ahead and jump Mr. Roth, and please make sure that it is in slow motion off of anything and everything you find on stage.

4. Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

Black and White, Helena Christenson half-naked, ocean beach, just a plain sexy video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oaHHrNQVrg

5. Beastie Boys - Sabotage

The Chief, Bunny, The rookie. Just a hilarious video, making fun of old 70's cop shows. Watch for yourself. Also an awesome song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkw0e0Jcn9A&feature=fvst