Crappy Songs

Some people are thinking, holy crap, two blogs in a row. After my Music Video Post of yesterday, I have decided to continue with my ranting and raving about the crappy things out there. Today, I turn my attention to the crappiest songs ever made. I know some people are reading this going, "you are going to mention Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes cause you always bitch about that song." Well guess what, you are thinking of Dusick, who hates that song. I don't think it is a great song, but it is not terrible.

I could pretty much start with any pop song that has come out in the past few years, but there are a few that just boggle my mind as to how absolutely terrible they are. I mean some of these lyrics are straight out of a nursery rhyme and combine that with an annoying voice/beat/guitar riff and you have a completely horrible song. I have refrained from mentioning any songs by converted artists (athletes, actors, actresses) for the sole reason of music is not what they are known for and therefore cannot be taken seriously anyway. So Don Johnson's "Heartbeat", Eddie Murphy's "Party all the Time" and Any Shaq song will not be included. However I might put former Packer WR Robert Brooks hit "Jump in the Stands" on the best songs ever list that will come later.

So I give you my top 5 worst songs ever along with a little chunk of lyric that is especially terrible. I would include links to song of these songs, but I dont want to ruin anyone's day so if you haven't heard them before listen at your own Risk.

1. Natasha Bedingfield "Pocket Full of Sunshine" Wow, this song is awful, this is nursery rhyming to a beat at it's finest. I literally think she wrote and recorded this song while watching some kids show like "Lamb Chops play along." Today kids, we are going to talk about sunshine and how sticks and stones can break your bones, but names will never hurt you. C'mon Natasha, most of your other songs suck too, but good lord this was on another level of shit.

Shitty Lyrics:
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

2. Keisha "Tik Tok" Also the creator of the inventive new song on the radio "Blah Blah Blah." This Song makes me depressed for all of america as it is now the #1 downloaded ringtone of all time or some shit. What are we listening to and why. The entire song is a nursery rhyme. Do you remember Hickory Dickory Dock? That is exactly what this song is with some words about partying and a Beat. Depressing I tell you. I am going to create a song that is pretty much Old McDonald had a farm, but i will get a beat to it so people can think it is awesome and download it a bunch of times. Also, she mentions Mick Jagger in this song and I highly doubt she even knows who that is and needed a word that rhymed with swagger.

Shitty Lyrics:
Aint got no care in the world
But got plenty of beer
Aint got no money in my pocket
But i'm already here
And now the dudes are lining up
Cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb
Unless they look like mick jagger

3. Celine Dion - "My Heart will Go on" I hate this song, it probably isnt as bad as I will make it out to be, but Titanic sucked and they played the hell out of this song when Titanic came out. They also had the extra shitty version where you could listen to clips from Titanic during certain parts of the song and that made it even worse. Good work Celine, You somehow made it possible for me to hate titanic even more than I did before. I'll never let go Jack, of the feeling that I hate you and your shitty movie/soundtrack. Honorable mention to another absolutely terrible song from a movie soundtrack. Aerosmith has been making songs for a long time, but they really took a step down in my book with "I dont want to miss a thing"

Shitty Lyrics:
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

4. Lou Bega - "Mambo #5" Nothing like taking names and rhyming them with regular words. He literally just mentions 30 girls' names and then says the occasional dumb lines. Combine that with a big band in the background with a crappy get stuck in your head beat and you have yourself a hit that brainless people will enjoy. Then you have all the girls that probably screamed when they heard their name in the song while they were hammered at the bar. I can just see it right now, a little bit of jessica (insert 5 girls screaming wooooo!!!!!!) here i am. Just makes me sick to my stomach.

Shitty Lyrics:
A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side.
A little bit of Rita's what I need,
A little bit of Tina's what I see.
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long.
A little bit of Jessica here I am,
A little bit of you makes me your man!

5. Mickey - Toni Basil This song makes me want to throw up everytime I hear it. The stupid clapping, the cheerleader video, a lyrical cheer in the song!? Awful everytime I hear it. combine that with an annoying voice singing it and I really dont know what the hell was going on when it became a hit. I know the 80's were a weird time and everything, but I think this song started the my theory that you dont actually have to think of anything to have a hit song. just find something catchy that everyone can remember and repeat it over and over, you then have a hit. I didnt put the lyrics in because it will literally drive you to shoot someone you love and I dont want to be responsible for that type of activity.